Feeling, you don't belong, in a world nature of being, existence

Feeling like you don't belong in world, were things don't seem real, to you are my human, or are my functioning robot.

I feel, as if no one understands me i feel that i don't belong in this world , i feel that' every time i speak to friends, no one  listen's , to actually what i am trying to say,  even when your simply, having conversation, over social media about some very interesting, things i feel as if i am boring that individual, with my topic, to topic.

Then i say to my self , you need read, more learn more  about others, & how life works,so i can understand more things about small stuff but fuck it .

  Really once, i pretend, that i am okay , and smile, to a peer, outside  happy to the outside world , i am just happy, when my eyes are wide shut .

I feel like i don't belong in this world , then i have people, saying to me your being selfish, what about others out there and your saying, all them hurtful, things to a certain person, on about how you really, feel about your life, and your perspective, on things and  of it i mean, i am not living in a fucking fairy tale where tinker bell, gives me her pixy dust , so i can fly to a never never never land .

I am stuck, in this nightmare, all i want is to be able to understand, things not have all these suicidal thoughts, being afraid, is not in my nature, i am not afraid, of wanting to be at piece, at least i no i will be in safer, more relaxed, place, and my mind, wont be chattering , like pinball machine .

You can say, this is a very deep, story but it's how i feel, every single day from moment i wake up to moment i go sleep, but i mask, that everything is fine when in real life things are not how i like them and how they are supposed, to be .

I say, only thing that keeps, me going is my mechanisms, my repetitive, things i do with out them i am dusk till dawn.

If i didn't mean the things i say i wouldn't say them in first place , you don't no how i am on daily basis, and no about my everyday, struggles,  i could have smile of Cheshire the cat but underneath but really , you feel , like you don't belong anywhere in world .

My perspective, you can have some judgement, to what i have written, then so be it  but it's my life

“I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.

A place, were you can belong . 




My happy, little pill, take me away, Dry my eyes , bring colour to my skies.